Thinking trap
Personalising: what it is, with everyday examples
- Personalising
- Taking the blame for things outside your control.
Many things shape how an event turns out, but the trap puts all of it on you. It often shows up as guilt for other people's moods or for results that depended on many hands.
Everyday examples
- With friends
“The party was dull because of me.”
- At home
“My partner is in a bad mood. I must have done something.”
- At work
“The team missed the deadline because of my part.”
Questions to check the thought
From the Socratic questions in ThinkGO. Pick one or two; you don’t need all of them.
- Is there another way to see what happened?
- What points to this thought being true? What points the other way?
- If a friend had this thought, what would you tell them?
A fairer alternative
The trap
“The party was dull because of me.”
A fairer thought
“Lots of things shape a party: who came, the music, how tired people were. I was one guest.”
Exercises that help
Related thinking traps
Sources
- Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders. International Universities Press.
- Burns, D. D. (1980). Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. William Morrow.
Background reading. The definitions, examples and questions on this page are our own wording.