Thinking trap
Should statements: what it is, with everyday examples
- Should statements
- Rigid rules about how you or others must be.
“Should”, “must” and “ought to” turn a preference into a rule. When the rule is about you, breaking it brings guilt; when it's about other people, it brings frustration.
Everyday examples
- About yourself
“I should never make mistakes.”
- At work
“I must answer every email the same day.”
- Others
“He ought to know how I feel without me saying it.”
Questions to check the thought
From the Socratic questions in ThinkGO. Pick one or two; you don’t need all of them.
- What does believing this thought do for you? What might change if you saw it differently?
- If a friend had this thought, what would you tell them?
- What points to this thought being true? What points the other way?
A fairer alternative
The trap
“I should never make mistakes.”
A fairer thought
“I'd like to make fewer mistakes. Everyone makes some, and I can learn from mine.”
Exercises that help
Related thinking traps
Sources
- Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders. International Universities Press.
- Burns, D. D. (1980). Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. William Morrow.
Background reading. The definitions, examples and questions on this page are our own wording.