Activities
Assertive message: build one clear, calm request
Saying what you need, clearly and calmly, often works better than holding it in or letting it out all at once. This exercise builds one message: what happened, how you feel, what you need, and one clear request. It is part of the anger program in ThinkGO, and it also helps in any conversation where you find it hard to speak up.
At a glance
| Time | 4–5 min |
|---|---|
| Best for | Anger & irritation and Nervous around people |
| Level | Core. Builds on the basics; easier after a starter exercise or two. |
How to do it, step by step
- Write what you want to speak up aboutOne situation.
- Write how you feel about itIn a few words.
- Write what you need or wantThe need behind the feeling.
- Make one clear requestSomething the other person can actually do.
- Put it together, starting with “I”When…, I feel…, because I need…, could you…? Then rate how ready you feel to say it.
Assertive message example: dishes in the sink
- Speaking up about
- My flatmate leaves dishes in the sink for days.
- I feel
- Frustrated, and a bit taken for granted.
- I need
- A kitchen I can cook in after work.
- Request
- Could you wash your dishes by the end of each day?
- My message
- “When dishes stay in the sink for days, I feel frustrated, because I need the kitchen after work. Could you wash yours by the end of each day?”
- Ready to say it
- 60%
Example only. The numbers are illustrative, not typical results.
Tips and common snags
One request at a time
A single clear ask is easier to hear than a list.
Pick your moment
Say it when you're both calm, not in the middle of an argument.
Practise it
Saying it out loud once makes it easier the second time.
In ThinkGO
Assertive message, one question at a time
- One question per screen
- Drafts saved on every change
- Your before and after ratings, side by side
- Reminders, if you want them
Coming to the App Store in January 2027
Sources
- Alberti, R., & Emmons, M. (2017). Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships (10th ed.). Impact Publishers.
- Greenberger, D., & Padesky, C. A. (2016). Mind Over Mood (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.